NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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