We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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