She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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