Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
