just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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