I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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