Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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