i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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