we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
