On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
