if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
