True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
