I just saw a hot homeless man
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
I just made the most āsingle lifeā Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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