there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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