Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
