He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
