How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
