guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
