You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
