i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
