weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
