someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
