So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
