there's paper in my vomit.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
