Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
