My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
