I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
