i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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