You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
