If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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