I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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