You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
