Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
