yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
