Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
