If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Randomize
