grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
