Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
