im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
not ubering you a puppy
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
