This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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