Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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