Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
