I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
