You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
