A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
