Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
