I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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