There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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