Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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