You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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